Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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