cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
