Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
