you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
