they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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