I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
