hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
