Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
