the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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