I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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