i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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