True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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