hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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