I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
