listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
