Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
