Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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