I just made out with a guy for $7.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
