Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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