I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
