did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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