Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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