hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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