I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
