so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
