i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
