I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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