This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
