I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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