I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
