I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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