I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
