i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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