I'm jealous of your bromance
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
