I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
