You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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