I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
