the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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