It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
