Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My ATM looks so different sober.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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