i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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