Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
