Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
