i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
