Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
