Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
