this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
