Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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