I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
