I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
