i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
