i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
