Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
