the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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