I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
