WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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