New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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