If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
