When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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