Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
