Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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