it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
