Banned from zoo.
Again?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
