Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
