I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
