Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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