I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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