i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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