wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
