brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's like iHOP with fire
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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