i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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